You to B 💩😔

My six-year-old has recently discovered the wonderful world of texting.

Which is adorable, really. My baby is growing up. She’s learning to spell, communicate, and express herself through written words.

And apparently, she’s using these newfound skills to negotiate additional screen time.

With me.

From the next room.

Because why walk approximately 12 feet to speak to your mother when you can submit your demands electronically?

The other night, she texted me asking for more time on her tablet.

I told her she could have until we finished dinner and started getting ready for bed.

Naturally, this was unacceptable.

So she responded with an entire WALL of prayer-hand emojis.

I’m talking enough prayer hands to start a small congregation. There were a few nervous smiles sprinkled in, a skull for reasons I’m still trying to understand, and enough desperation to suggest this child was negotiating for her actual freedom.

All over 15 minutes of screen time.

Being the generous mother that I am, I agreed to an additional 15 minutes and told her to pick one thing she wanted to do.

Her response?

“You too b 💩😔”

Now, I’m going to be honest. I had to stare at that message for a minute.

Was she asking for YouTube?

Or had my six-year-old just called me a bitch?

Because given the circumstances, I felt like both were entirely possible.

Thankfully, after a brief investigation, I determined that she was, in fact, requesting YouTube.

She’d simply sounded it out and arrived at “You too b.”

The poop emoji and disappointed face, however, remain unexplained.

And frankly, I’m not asking questions.

So I told her to send the request for more time.

“I already did.”

Well, EXCUSE ME.

Apparently, my six-year-old has already mastered the art of submitting paperwork and following up with management when her request isn’t processed quickly enough.

I spent years teaching this child how to talk, read, and write, and she’s now using those skills to negotiate screen time without having to physically approach me.

I’m proud of her independence. I’m slightly concerned about her emoji choices.

And I’m apparently running a screen-time approval department out of my own house.

Anyway, if anyone needs me, I’ll be reviewing requests from the six-year-old approximately 12 feet away.

Assuming she hasn’t insulted me in the meantime.

💩😔